Pigskins!
by Joist
Summary: Kagome brings Inuyasha *and* Sesshoumaru with her to the present-time. And takes them to a football game! But they want the football as a chew toy…and they want to kill the opposing team supporters…and—Oh NO…
1. one

Pigskins!

By: Joist

Disclaimer: I don't own Inu-Yasha or any related logos or characters, and no copyright infringement is intended. So no suing, please. But if you do, you'll just get my pritty pencils from Japan that my uncle brought me from his business trip…and maybe some pocket-lint if you're lucky…you never know what's in there… *looks through her lint to find gold!* *gasp* Okay…so you won't get my lint…but you'll get…uh… Nothing. You'll get nothing. So ha! P

This is just a crazy notion I got in my head while I was at a high-school football game with my friend Kathryn. Hehe… Please read and review! ^-^

Synopsis: Kagome brings Inuyasha *and* Sesshoumaru with her to the present-time. And takes them to a football game! But they want the football as a chew toy…and they want to kill the opposing team supporters…and—Oh dear Lord…

~!~!~!~

one | step away from the car…

"GET OUT OF THE CAR *NOW*, INUYASHA!!" Kagome yelled, pulling on his arm. Popping the arm out of the socket was beginning to threaten Inuyasha's well-being, and he didn't want that…

"NOT IN THESE DORKY CLOTHES!!" Inuyasha yelled back, loosening the raven-haired girl's grip. 

"DORKY? I SPENT FIFTEEN DOLLARS ON THAT SHIRT TO SUPPORT THE HIGHSCHOOL FOOTBALL TEAM!!!"

"I'M NOT GETTING OUT!!!"

"DON'T MAKE ME SAY THE WORD!!!"

"WHY YOU LITTLE—"

"SIT BOY!!!"

***ker-wham!***

"Ow…"

"I'll say it again, Inuyasha!" Kagome said. "So get out. Now!!"

"Fine, fine, fine…" Inuyasha grumbled, and walked stiffly out of the car. And what he was wearing was a sight to behold!

Instead of Inuyasha's regular red attire, he wore a pair of blue jeans, a yellow t-shirt with the words 'Klein Bearkats' on the front in blue, and running shoes. His silvery-white hair was in a ponytail that went to the eye of his back, and had a white cap that covered his ears laying on it.

"Okay, well, you didn't mess up your clothes…" mused Kagome, looking Inuyasha over to make sure he didn't look too…doggish, for lack of a better word to describe the half-demon. "And I think that's as good as you're going to get… Now, for Sesshoumaru…" She turned to look back at the car. "Sesshoumaru, come on out!"

"No."

"Get out!"

"No."

"Come *on*, Sesshoumaru!!" Kagome said as she began pulling the tall youkai out of the car. But the stubborn demon was being…well…stubborn! Kagome grunted as she tried to pry Sesshoumaru's claws from the opposite door, but let her hands fall limp to her sides when she realized her attempts were in vain. There was *no way* the youkai was going to let go!

Then, she got an idea. She crawled out of the car, and whispered in Inuyasha's ears. Out of the corner of her eye, Kagome saw Sesshoumaru strain to hear their conversation, but to no avail. He heard nothing.

Soon, after explaining her supposed 'plan', Kagome disappeared, leaving Inuyasha to try and pull his older brother out of the car.

"Ow! Kagome, he *kicked* me!" Inuyasha complained.

"You deserved it," Sesshoumaru shot back quietly. He kept his death-lock hold on the door, and kept kicking Inuyasha's hands away from his ankles. Ha, there was no way they were getting *him* out of the car dressed like this!

But suddenly, the door he was holding on to flew open, and he fell head first onto the pavement of the street. He sprang up right after he hit the ground, but before he could jump back into the car, Kagome had closed the door and locked it.

Kagome and Inuyasha were grinning from ear to ear, trying to hide their laughs and giggles. "Shut," said Sesshoumaru, "up." He glowered at them through he shadows the brim of his backwards and upside down, white visor-hat gave his golden eyes. He crossed his arms over his blue-shirted chest, and scratched his thigh that was covered in baggy (as was the fashion in that particular high school[1]) blue jeans. His feet were covered with white and black Adidas shoes, the same as Inuyasha's except his were white and red. (To fit this story, I'd like to believe Sesshoumaru's fluffy thing around his body is some piece of fur, and not his tail…)

"Oh come *on*, Sesshoumaru!" Kagome said, "You don't look bad at all! And since one of the Shikon no Tama's shards landed near here, we might as well enjoy the Friday Night entertainment, right?" She didn't give him enough time to answer before she replied to her own question/declaration. "Right! Now, let's go!"

Kagome, Inuyasha, and Sesshoumaru made there way through the crowd of high-school-ers, and got to their seats near the front so they could see the band, color-guard(read: cheerleaders with flags), cheerleaders, and drill-team(they're basically cheerleaders that don't do flips and stuff…they dance, really). 

A few more minutes, and the announcer came on. He introduced the players for the home team (the Klein Bearkats – that our 'heroes' were cheering on), and the visitors team (Westfield Mustangs. Boo! Hiss! *g*). Each team's band played their respective school anthems/songs, and the gave was soon into play. 

But during the first quarter, all Kagome, Inuyasha, and Sesshoumaru could do was glower at each other – and curse the day they either a) fell into the blasted magic well; b) met the girl holding the Shikon no Tama; or c) found their way into Inuyasha and Kagome's own activities. CURSE THE DAY!!

But hopefully, their attitudes would get better as the football game progressed…

~!~!~!~

I hope y'all liked it! Barely the first chap, but please review! More will come with feedback! ^_^

[1]=that high school, Klein is its name, is also the school I will be attending in two years…

Review, please!! 

© 2002 Joist


	2. two

Pigskins! 

By: Joist

Regular disclaimers apply

A/N- Thank you reviewers!! I read every single one of your reviews – and I'm glad you all enjoyed it!! You're so sweet!! *hugs reviewers* Well, here's the chapter you've been begging me for! Tee-hee… *prances off*

~!~!~!~

two | popcorn, soda, and candy—Oh my!

"OW!!!" Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru yelled simultaneously, clenching their ears. The crowd had started cheering because Klein had gotten a point, and the loud claps and screams were enough to make them go mad – literally!

"Kagome…make the pain stop…" Inuyasha said dizzily, his eyes all whirly – as were Sesshoumaru's. (@_@)

Kagome just sighed. "I can't make the team stop scoring, Inuyasha! It's what they're supposed to do!" she insisted. "So just…ignore it!"

"WE *CAN'T* IGNORE IT!!!!" Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha yelled in her ears, making her clamp her hands over them.

"Ow! That HURTS!!!"

"Now you know what *we* have to go through," sniffed Inuyasha.

One down into the second quarter, Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha's stomachs began gurgling, telling the whole stadium they hadn't been fed. Kagome – and the rest of the people there – looked at them confusedly, then sighed in annoyance. 

"I *told* you to eat something when we got there! But nooooooooo, you said you wouldn't get hungry…" she said. "Ugh – come on…" She stood up, and the three walked down the stairs and down under the stadium seats where the food-court was.

"So what do you want?" Kagome asked as they waited in line.

"Deer," said Sesshoumaru.

"Rabbit," said Inuyasha.

Kagome was silent for a moment before hitting them each on the underside of the head. "THIS IS NOT FEUDAL JAPAN!! THIS IS PRESENT-DAY AMERICA!!!" she yelled. "They don't *serve* deer and rabbit at a FOOTBALL GAME!!!"

"Well how were we supposed to know that!?" Inuyasha snapped. He crossed his arms. "You're so mean to me…" he said sarcastically.

"Don't make me say it…" Kagome growled through clenched teeth.

Inuyasha's arguments quelled.

"Good. Okay, so they have popcorn, hotdogs, sausage on a stick, soft drinks, pickles, and candy. What do you want?" she asked, looking at the two brothers – who were currently having an argument on whose sword was better…

Sesshoumaru looked at Kagome. "What's candy?" he asked, cocking his head to the side (A/n- CUUUUUUUUUUTE!!!!!!!!). 

"It's something really good. I'll get you some…"

"Don't forget about me!" Inuyasha said, stepping up. 

"I won't, Inuyasha…" she said exasperatedly. (A/N- More like, she *can't*)

Three packages of gummy worms, three cokes, and two packs of buttered popcorn later…

Inuyasha nibbled on his red and yellow gummy worm. "Hey, you know, these are really good!" he said, looking at Kagome. She beamed.

"I told you!"

Sesshoumaru ate his food quietly, though stopped every once in a while to lick the excess sugar off of his long fingers. Kagome couldn't help but giggle. He looked like a dog or cat washing itself. (A/N- *grin* CUUUUUTE!!)

Suddenly, Klein got a point or two again, and the crowd began cheering. And to everyone – and I mean *everyone's* - surprise, Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru joined them. They even started screaming and clapping and yelling "Go Bearkats!". 

Kagome looked at them nervously. Maybe they weren't allowed to have candy in their systems… She looked at the empty gummy worms box. It didn't say anything about not giving it to demons… Hmm…

"Oh Kagome! Wasn't that quarter great! I think we're gonna win! I hope you we win because then we would have had to win and that would mean we won and that would make everyone happy because we won!" said Inuyasha, bouncing up and down.

"Yeah Kagome! That was the best! I can't believe I didn't want to come earlier! And look at the opposing team's players! They look like they suck and they look almost as weak as Jaken but they're not green toady things and they don't have big yellow eyes but our team looks like they eat Narakus for breakfast even though that's not possible because there's only one Naraku and we haven't fought him yet and—"  

"Sesshoumaru?" Kagome said, interrupting him.

"What Kagome? What, what, what? Kagome you're not talking! Spit it out Kagome!"

"SHUT UP!!!" Kagome screeched. 

Sesshoumaru jumped and fell out of his seat, his head landing in someone's nachos. "AAH!!!! MY HAIR!!!!!" he yelled. He heard snickering. He looked up, and saw Inuyasha laughing manically behind Kagome. "WHY YOU LITTLE—" 

As Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha fought, Kagome sighed and watched the game.

"They should have warnings on those boxes…" she said. "Warnings that say never give to demons, or they'll be on sugar-high…"

~!~!~!~

A/N- That chapter sucked, I know…but I wrote it real quick…SO SORRY!! Please review!!

~Joist


	3. three

____Pigskins!____

By: Joist

A/N- Sorry you had to wait so long guys! Really! I had major brain and writing-lag! GRR! But enjoy! Hope you guys actually find this funny (I don't), but I won't scare you guys off. Enjoy~!

~*~

three | the candy machine from TAMPAX! (more like: From HELL)

It was halftime for the football game, finally, and Kagome and Inuyasha were wondering why all the people around them were moving all the way across the field.

"You must stink of human," said Inuyasha, band-aids all over his face and arms. Hs nose was up in the air indignantly, looking anywhere but the onlookers scowling faces.

Kagome sighed. Why would she bother saying that everyone around there WAS human, and HE was probably the one that reeked of Feudal Japan? "Inuyasha, I'm going to go to the bathroom. DON'T YOU DARE MOVE," she growled menacingly.

"It's not MY fault my brother's a transsexual!" Inuyasha said heatedly, throwing his hair back to show the shining waves of silvery-white. A few people were blinded by the lights bouncing off his hair.

"He's not a transsexual!" Kagome said, and wondered why she was defending Sesshoumaru. I mean, after all, he HAD captured her in countless stories on fanfiction.net! Blast her friends for showing her that site! DARN THEM! Now she was paranoid... (Kagome: T-T)

Meanwhile, in the women's bathroom...

Sesshoumaru stood over the sink trying to get the last of the sticky, and now hard, yellow nacho cheese out of his hair. "Inuyasha will pay for this... He will pay for this dearly.." he growled under his breath.

A woman at the sink next to him noticed his low, grumbly voice and cocked her head (A/N- Not cuuuuute!). "'Scuse me hon, but your voice sounds AWFULLY low! Are you okay? Do you need a cough-drop, sweet-heart?"

Sesshoumaru went rigid, and stared at the lady mechanically. "I am MALE," he growled, "but they insisted I looked FEMALE so they stuck me in this FEMALE bathroom. But if a coughdrop is candy, then give me one." He stuck out his hand, glaring at the woman as if daring her to protest.

The woman blinked. "Ah...alright..." she said unsurely, and handed Sesshoumaru the whole bag of lemon, cherry, grape, and lime flavored cough drops. He snatched his hand away as soon as he felt the weight of it, ripped open the bag, and swallowed the contents. 

//Joist: Thank kami-sama the cough drops were not individually wrapped, or our Sessy-kun would be in surgery right now. Let's all bow our heads down in respect. *bows* He you! Yeah you, the brunette girl in that comfy black, leather computer chair: I don't see you bowing!! *points*//

The lady said something about drug addicts, and left the bathroom as soon as she came. "Everyone's a drug addict these days! Can't go in ANY shop without finding some sort of...RASCAL...that's smoking or puffing the dragon!"

"Don't forget pettin' the tail babeh...." said Sesshoumaru in an un-Sesshoumaru-like voice. He had taken his tail/piece of fure from the wonderful big back pocket of his jeans, and was petting it in a damp, stinky corner, each eye becoming bloodshot and blinking at seperate times. His smile was crooked, and he tried standing up but swayed and fell against the wall - hitting his head on a metal box pinned to the wall. He looked at it.

"Heyyyyy...I'm priiiiiiiiiiiiiiity sure the MALE bathroom didn't have a CAAAAAAAAANDY MACHIIIIIINE..." he said in a strange, pulled-out voice and tried reading the labels.

"Wellp," he said lazily, and poking the box, "I guess this looooooong white thing is a lolly-pop.......and this flat white thing must be a........." he pondered, "a...a...another kind of candy..." He looked closely at another label. "This candy was brought to meeeeeeeeeeee by TAMPAX TAMPONS AND SANITARY NAPKINS!" he read triumphantly, and pointed his finger in the air in self-pride. "Look mommy, I can reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed!"

Kagome pushed open the bathroom door, sighing and shaking her head, muttering about stupid demon-dogs, when she heard someone yelling about tampons....

"Another girl started...?" Kagome guessed, but was surprised when she realized who was speaking. "Oh...my...KAMI... SESSHOUMARU!!" Kagome exclaimed, running forward and taking the demon by the arm. "What are you doing! I thought you were trying to get back to the car! I thought you were going to destroy some city or something! But THIS? Oh my God, I don't think...I don't think I can continue living like this...!"

*pause for dramatics*

Sesshoumaru looked at Kagome. "Heeyyyyyyy, my main woman! Kagomaaaaaaaaaaaayyyy.... Wuz shakin', babeh?" he asked in a slurry voice.

Kagome blinked. "Huh?"

Sesshoumaru didn't answer. "This candddddddyyyyy machiiiiiiine ain't given me no........." he hiccuped. "caaannnnnnndy.... MAKE IT GIVE ME CANDY KAGOME!!!! MAKE IT GIVE IT TO ME! GIVE IT TO ME! GIVE IT TO ME!"

Kagome twitched. "Sess-Sess-Sesshoumaru..?" She began backtracking towards the doorway. "Are you...are you feeling all right? And that's not candy...that's--" But she was cut off when Sesshoumaru rushed towards her, and held her by the shoulders.

"Don't you see, Kagome?" he asked in his regular voice. "This is all some evil diabalical plan of...dun dun dun...INUYASHA'S!! He wants to tear us apart, Kagome! I can't let that happen! I...I...I... I LOVE YOU TOO MUCH!" And with that, he kissed her. And not just a small, shy little peck on the cheek (you expect that from FLUFFY-SAMA?). It was full-fledged. With tongues and everything!

Kagome's eyes opened wide, before she pulled away from Sesshoumaru and began running back towards Inuyasha.

::::::

And from above them, a small being watched and waited... And waited. And waited. And waited some more, until his final wait came...

"I was always the little sidekick," he murmured, "I was always the coward! Well, it's not my fault I'm little! I was born a good size! YOU ALL ARE JUST TOO DARN TALL!!" And it was silent until he struck again...

~*~

That was strange. Honestly, not even *I* saw that coming. And I wrote it!! _

Who is the 'evil sidekick'? Is it Miroku? Is it Sango? WHO IS IT!?!??!??

Kagome: I'unno. *hic*

Um. K. And I'm sorry that Sesshoumaru is so OOC!! I'll make it up to you all by making him a REALLLLY cool character in my serious fic: The Ties That Bind Us (read that, too!). Bye now! Review!


End file.
